Cards on the table: I care too much about what others think of me. Always have. Far too long have I spent trying to please people, the ‘risk’ of someone taking a dislike to me such that I have occasionally compromised my principles in order to be ‘accepted’.
I can vividly remember a conversation with a close friend in which he told me that, contrary to what I thought, it didn’t matter what people thought of me. This was back in 2012, and in those days I was a particularly impressionable young man. Did I believe him? Honestly, I don’t think I did - or, rather, I could acknowledge he had a valid point, but so fearful of rejection was I that I had neither the tools nor the will to properly action it.
How am I doing these days? I like to think I am less affected by other people’s opinions of me than I was; it is something I continue to work on. But I still find myself plagued by those heinous ‘what if?’ questions. What if I offend someone? What if I get too drunk and start annoying people? What if this person is secretly judging me?
When questions like these arise, it is easy to become trapped within one’s head and distanced from the most important thing: the present moment.
As regular readers of my blog will know, I have been struggling with my weight for a while now. Regular exercise and healthy eating have started in earnest, but with around three stone still to lose, my body confidence is at an all-time low. There are times when I think I am the only overweight person in the universe, even though, deep down, I can acknowledge that many blokes weigh rather more than 15 stone. Besides, if a stranger doesn’t know ‘my story’, what right do they have to judge me?
Here’s the thing, though: are they really judging me? Do they honestly take a good look at me and conclude that I simply eat too many pies? Or are they themselves too wrapped up in their own self-consciousness? If I am out and about and a 'heavy' person walks past me, do I give it any thought? No - I am too busy exercising my own insecurities.
The bottom line is that I need to stop giving a f*ck about everything. As I have already alluded to, my friends tell me I care way too much. They’re right. It is easier said than done, of course, and results will not come over-night. Now that I have fully come to terms with what needs to change, however, I intend to put more welly into not caring what people think of me. Because doing what I love, being the best version of myself I can be and, crucially, being authentic, are key to long-lasting happiness.
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