I am writing these words whilst completely sleep-deprived. I was out all night, you see, and it all turned into a lock-in down the local for Halloween night (since when was 29 October Halloween?). I took myself to Starbucks this morning and caffeinated myself, but since returning home I haven’t been to bed. Maybe I’ll nap on the couch later.
Anyway, I had a decent night out last night, with lots of laughs and excellent company. Oh sure, my anxiety and OCD got the better of me on a couple of occasions, and I was worried I’d offended or upset a person and did what I know I should not do and sought reassurance. But after isolating for the past week or so with Covid, it felt good to be out of the house.
What last night did do, though, was allow me to see some of my positive attributes. Namely? Well, with many lovely chats with people and alcohol-fuelled hugs, I realised that I am pretty decent company. I may get overwhelmed sometimes in busy social environments, but when I am feeling comfortable and ‘present’, I am better able to be myself and let my authenticity shine through. Some may not like the real me and that’s fine, because plenty of people do. Honestly, I really should be on the stage with some of the comments and witticisms I come out with…
I am not perfect, and I have plenty of flaws, but of all the people in that pub last night, how many could the same be said of? Exactly - every single one of them. We all have flaws and insecurities - it’s just that the likes of anxiety and social media often make you believe it is just you.
You can never tell what a person is going through just because they slap on a smile and portray an image of loving life. I had a smile on my face last night a lot, often because I was genuinely enjoying myself, but it was a snapshot in time. I most certainly do not have an easy life. But who does? Just be kind to people.
I truly appreciated the kindness of my friends last night, and revelled in discussions about classic cars, life and music, among other topics. I did take one or two ‘bantery’ comments to heart briefly, but that was exactly what they were: banter. In one ear and out the other. Meaningless. And anyway, I was hardly short of banter myself.
So, last night was long, sweaty and eventful, but it was a good night. I’ve had far, far worse. And I reckon I ‘performed’ pretty well. Do I need to improve upon a few areas? Of course I do, and those will be my goals. But by being yourself, you attract the right people, the people who genuinely care, and that’s really what matters most.
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