I’m struggling with my mental health today. And, as journalling is a proven effective tool to help reduce feelings of anxiety and depression, I thought I’d put pen to paper - or, rather, fingers to keyboard. This is my personal page, and if you are reading this you’ll know me well so hopefully won’t judge.
It’s not as though I’m unaware of my triggers, but the fact that I cannot control either of them is only aggravating my distress. The weather today can only be described as ‘yuk’; an impenetrable blanket of thick hill fog cloaks the normally very pretty rural landscape, while heavy rain has been a constant feature of the day, too. Add the fact that today is a full moon, and it’s perhaps no surprise that I’m feeling blue. In those circumstances, I’d wager many of you would feel the same.
I’m trying - oh, I’m trying - to make it through the day, and there is no doubt I will succeed. I had a nice soothing cup of Earl Grey at lunchtime, which did wonders. My afternoon has comprised listening to loads of great music and the occasional venture outside to top-up the bird feeders. Nature is wonderful, isn’t it?
The aforementioned lack of daylight is a source of frustration; I derive great pleasure from reading, but the house is a little on the dark side for such an activity to be truly enjoyable. Conversely, it isn’t quite dark enough to put the (here come my Northern roots) big light on. Focusing on my laptop screen, too, is causing some eye strain.
My mental ill-health can manifest in many different ways, and today I’ve been extremely irritable. I feel sorry for those around me, but it isn’t as though I’m surrendering to my mind and not trying to take back control. I tried some breath work earlier, which worked for a bit. Maybe I’ll reach out to a friend later on.
If you’ve read this, and are going through a similar rollercoaster of emotions, I hope you realise you are not alone. Indeed, I know that I am not alone; these are strange times. But a bad day is okay, and is emphatically not the same as a bad life. I’m sure tomorrow will be better, and I eagerly anticipate my easter egg at the weekend…
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