For as many years as I can remember, my mental health has taken a dive as the onset of autumn begins, and then transitions into the winter months. Now, I appreciate this will be the case for a great many of you - we are all advised to take Vitamin D supplements during these darker months, so the lack of sunlight and shorter days clearly has an impact on mood.
But when you have anxiety, OCD and depression, these ‘winter blues’ are only amplified. Some may dismiss the idea of Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, as a medical condition. But it is very real, and can manifest itself in ways far beyond simply not wanting to get out of bed on a wet Tuesday morning in November.
A few years back - 2018, to be exact - I spent 6 months between mid-August and the following February simply not leaving the house at all. Day after day, week after week, month after month, stuck inside my home with my four walls for company. This was a reflection of the state of my anxiety and OCD back then, and gives credence to the idea of seasons affecting one’s mental health. How? Because as the weather began to improve with the onset of the spring, I was able to start leaving the house again. One Sunday in February 2019, I suddenly felt like going for a walk (or at least try leaving the front door and see how I got on). It was a success - I enjoyed a good walk and it was as though the previous six months had never happened.
So, how am I finding things this winter, given that we are nearing the end of November? My mental health has definitely taken a dive, of that there is no question. I am investing less in my physical appearance - something I have traditionally taken a great deal of pride in - and I can’t help but feel that my cancelling situations and invitations for a variety of reasons is simply, deep down, a smokescreen for the fact I’d rather stay at home in my comfort zone.
Bottom line? I’m spending, yet again, more time at home, my motivation to go out and do things decreasing with the daylight and temperatures. And yet, perversely, part of me is happy with that. You see, during the warm summer months and the long evenings, there is a lot of pressure to be active and enjoying oneself. I had a ball of a summer - a good deal of socialising with friends and I would not have changed it for the world. But there’s something about the darker nights that takes that pressure off - it’s a lot more ‘acceptable’ to be slouching on the couch in your pyjamas at teatime at this time of year than it would be in June. And besides, I’d wanna be outside anyway.
It isn’t that I am being complacent; yes, I hope that when the worst of the winter weather starts to give way to warmer temperatures, singing songbirds and a new season, my mood and motivation will improve. But I continue to work on my mental health daily, paying attention to how I am feeling and reaching in to my toolbox. Writing this blog, for example, is proving a good, healthy distraction to the goings-on in my head. And I will come back to this topic next time, armed with some statistics on SAD and perhaps some scientific explanation as to how winter months affect mental health.
Think of this blog, then, as an update on where I’m at…
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