As Christmas gets closer, my mental health has continued to dip accordingly. In a way, it heartens me to know that I’m not alone; never before have I seen so many tweets and online posts from people also feeling the holiday blues. Whether you turn the telly on, open a newspaper or walk in to a shop, you just cannot escape Christmas.
Yesterday I took myself down to the pub for a few drinks. Was it a coping mechanism? Or was it simply a desire to socialise and see friends? Truth be told, it was probably a mixture of the two. But as I hadn’t drunk alcohol for over a fortnight, I thought, ‘well, why not?’ The precursor to many bad decisions, that. But I enjoyed myself and had fun.
Naturally, I’m not feeling so good today, physically or mentally. Given my current mental state, the hangover is probably compounding things. But, hey, it’s Christmas, and we all need an occasional distraction from the stresses of life.
The decorations in the pub were most tasteful, but the sight of people in Christmas jumpers and the speakers blasting festive music undoubtedly made me feel a little low. But that’s my problem; as I say, you can’t escape Christmas, and to be honest, a bit of me quite enjoyed the festive atmosphere. I heard music I hadn’t heard before as well, and Mariah Carey put in an appearance. Not literally, you understand; I’m sure her schedule is pretty busy at the best of times.
At the end of the day, it was nice to be out and about, catching up with good friends I had not seen for a while. Friends who are well aware of my situation, and who always offer me words of encouragement, a shoulder to cry on, or who simply make me laugh. I did, however, encounter a joke about my weight. I totally understand no malice was intended, and it was simply an example of ‘pub banter’. I just don’t think ‘fat-shaming’ is an acceptable thing to do, though, even among friends.
Between typing these words I am taking gentle sips from my bottle of Lucozade in a (perhaps fruitless) attempt to stay awake, the alcohol consumption having affected the quality of last night’s sleep. Hopefully I will have a more restful night tonight.
I’d love to congratulate myself on coping reasonably well in a busy bar almost - almost - packed with people during a darts event, but the several pints of Carlsberg may have been a contributing factor to that. Still, I wasn’t completely comfortable at times, but still enjoyed myself nevertheless.
And that’s the thing. I know alcohol is a depressant, and I’m already depressed, but as long as it’s an occasional thing (I never drink at home), it shouldn’t do too much harm. Honestly, I felt so much better being around friends, socialising, experiencing life outside of my own four walls. I don't miss walking home in the dark and cold, mind!
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