Self compassion is something that is discussed often within mental health but, speaking personally, it is not always practiced. Indeed, I often get told by family, friends and support workers alike that I am ‘too hard on myself’. I am, they say, my biggest and most punishing critic. And I think they have a point, for I often find myself (metaphorically!) beating myself up over things I’ve done or, indeed, not done.
Truth be told, I have never really understood what the concept of self compassion means in practical terms. Be kind to yourself, they say. How, though? Well, after listening to a podcast last night by the always-excellent Robert James, I think I now have a greater understanding.
We are currently in the middle of winter here, which means low temperatures and little daylight. This time of year is well known for triggering mental illness, or worsening existing psychological conditions. This is most definitely the case with me; my symptoms invariably flare up as the summer gives way to autumn gives way to winter. And therefore, when we are struggling particularly hard, bringing compassion to ourselves, easing some of the self-inflicted burden, is so important.
I often find my motivation and energy levels drop at this time of year. I spend more time at home, socialising less and not exercising as regularly as I would like. It is important for me to try and get out and about, to see my friends, and experience laughter and fun around others. But equally, I’m trying to be more accepting of myself. If, for example, I want to spend the day (or a few days) simply listening to music at home on my computer, then that is perfectly okay. It does nobody any harm, and it brings me pleasure. So what if that means I am less productive?
Similarly, if I choose to spend the dark evenings wrapped in a warm hoodie and reading my favourite book or magazine, I am more than entitled to do so; there is little to do in the countryside when it’s pitch black, anyway. The point is, I shouldn’t (and you shouldn’t) be self-critical. Self compassion is emphatically not the same as selfishness. It is important to look after yourself and do what you enjoy doing, no matter how insignificant it might look to a bystander.
Now, I have no intention of taking the concept of self compassion to its absolute limit and scoffing ten chocolate bars each day, drinking my bodyweight in caffeine and getting absolutely no exercise. Fun as each of those activities might be, they are not healthy. Seriously, though, if we continue taking a stern approach to ourselves, being judgmental over our choices, then our underlying mental health problems are not going to improve. We will merely end up more miserable.
It might be a little too late for a New Year’s Resolution but, from now on, I will try and be more self compassionate. And if I fail, I won’t beat myself up over it.
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